Christian testimony of a former homosexual

After wrting about the gay marriage ruling in California, I got a lot of feedback in the comments.  Most statements were made by either conservative Christians that thought the decision was horrible, or by gay men that saluted California for doing the right thing.  As expected, they wanted to know what my problem was, and what gave me the right to decide gay couples couldn’t be married.  One commenter, however, was unusual.

What follows is the testimony of an individual who previously practiced the homosexual lifestyle before accepting Jesus Christ as savior.  This is the story of one who gave up a life opposed to God’s law, and by God’s grace became a believer and a follower.  Thank you A.J. for sharing.

My Testimony:

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is a true story. I am a 100% down to earth guy, and I only share this story with you because it is who I am. Not only who I am now, but a glimpse into the past…to look for a moment at who I was before. Thank GOD that guy I used to be is now dead. He has been crucified. What a poor, wretched soul he was. This story might have some pretty graphic/adult oriented material. If you are too young to be reading this, then please DON’T. I fully intended this story to be read by ADULTS.
As I am sure you know by now, my name is A.J. I was born in Huntsville, Alabama on November 7, 1975. My father was Allen G. Nichols Sr., and my mother was Jenell C. Nichols. They divorced when I was 6 months old. Things just didn’t work out. My dad was upper class, a computer scientist for a big technology corporation, and my mother was a dental assistant. Somehow, of course, my father managed to run from his responsibility as a parent, and so my mom was left to raise me. Very typical scenario nowdays.
I never really felt like I knew my Dad. He was a really bad alcoholic, and remarried 2 times before his death. I always felt like there was something wrong with me, that if I was truly a good son, then why didn’t he want me? Typical feelings of rejection for a guy that grows up without a father.
So, I lived with my Mom, and my brother John, and my sister Jeannie growing up. Jean and John were older, (from my Mom’s first husband) and I was the “baby”. My Mom was always bar hopping, (an alcoholic as well) and usually ended up bringing home some really rough guys. She married again…to a very abusive and alcoholic man. I remember him beating me with a belt, with the buckle at the loose end of the belt. There were lots of bruises, and my grandmother took polaroid pictures of this, and came to the trailer we lived in threatening to have him put in jail. Him and my mom divorced shortly after. I was about 4 or 5 at the time all of this was happening.
Then something happened. My Mom started gong to church, and for the most part, gave up her life of bar hopping. She married the man she is married to to this day. He too was a professing Christian, used to be rock n’ roller/drug addict supposedly changed by Jesus. Now, I must first begin this part by saying that He and I get along now. There were a lot of thigs that happened that were both of our faults, and so much has changed. I believe that God has restored our relationship, and consider him to be a good father to me. Anyway…to describe what I saw and learned when I was growing up…the only term I can use is PSYCHO RELIGIOUS. He would beat me, and scream scriptures at me. I was “The Devil’s Child” and was going to “Split Hell Wide Open” This all started (the abuse) when I was about 7 years old. It continued all the way through high school. We even had someone call DHR, and report him for child abuse. They came to my school, and wanted to take me away from my Mom. Of course, at that age, I could not imagine life without my Mom, so I refused to leave. I was truly in Hell…it had already found me. Words cannot express the agony and pain that I lived in for some 12 years. It truly was a nightmare.
I began using drugs when I was 15. I also began drinking alcohol around that time. Even before that I had started being attracted to other guys sexually, as I was so desperate for male affirmation/affection. I was literally starving to be loved, and somehow was deceived into thinking that pleasing another man sexually would keep him around to give me the love I so desperately wanted. (I forgot to mention that I was also molested by someone when I was very young as well.)((That was probably the open door that led me into the deception)). I also had several experimental sexual encounters with other boys when I was a little boy. My first real sexual encounter with another guy was when I was 13 years old. At the time it seemed like exactly what I wanted. It was very pleasurable at the time. But then, when the time for school came Monday morning, the only thing I could think about was having to face him in front of all of our friends. It was so scary.
The drug use escalated full frenzy. For 13 years I was heavily abusing crack cocaine, crystal meth, XTC, LSD, Prescription Pills of all colors and varieties, GHB, Ketamine, Marijuana, Alcohol, and anything else I could get my hands on that would ease the pain. I also was in probably 25 or more homosexual relationships. I absolutely HATED Christianity. I believed that I was born Gay, and that I would ALWAYS be that way. People would talk to me about Jesus, and I would laugh in their face. I thought they were crazy!
Then, in 1999, I finally broke down. I went into rehab on my own choice. I truly wanted help. I was about to die, and I knew it. I had overdosed several times, and was extremely addicted to speed. I just wanted the rollercoaster to stop. The rehab I ended up at was a Christ centered rehab, and I found the love of God there. I began attending the Vineyard Church regularly. There were a lot of prophetic people there that gave me words directly from God. I knew that somehow, I had had a bad example of Christianity modeled before me. These people were NOTHING like my step-dad. They loved me unconditionally. I was clean for about 4 years.
Somehow, I fell. It started with the smallest things. I started taking pills again. Then I convinced myself that I would be ok to be involved in sexual sin. After all “God Understands” is what I kept telling myself. I got involved in what would end up being my last homosexual relationship. It lasted for 3 years. I was MISERABLE! I was doing cocaine and smoking crack like Bobby and Whitney (no joke lol). It was once again a nightmare. I loved the guy that I was with so much, and it took me that long, because I was still so afraid to trust God and let go. Finally I did. I left everything and moved back to Gadsden. It was my complete surrender.
Now, to the beautiful part of the story. I found the creator of the universe. No joke. I COMPLETELY SURRENDERED to Jesus. And guess what? He set me free! I was filled with the Holy Spirit (which felt better than ANY DRUG that I have ever done!!!) and I was delivered from somewhere in the ballpark of 50 demons. They screamed as they came out of me. And now, I am COMPLETELY drug/alcohol free, and I have COMPLETELY normal desires sexually. No more lust/masturbation/perversion/homosexuality. I am a FREE MAN! And even better yet…I have a PERSONAL INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP with the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. The Great I AM. Let me tell you…there ARE real people who follow Jesus. HE IS LOVE. HE IS REAL. HE IS ALIVE AND WILL SET YOU FREE FROM WHATEVER YOU NEED TO BE SET FREE FROM. He sees all, knows all, and hears all. There is NOBODY like him. I finally found what I was looking for.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. It is sad but true. I am not proud of who I used to be. But I AM proud of Jesus. He gets all of the glory and honor for who I am today. He loves taking broken, messed up people that have nothing to live for, and making them into new creations. I thank him every day for the joy and peace I have in Him. Also, the best part is that He is making me like Him. I am being transformed into His image. He has given me His authority to love people, and help lead them to Him. He is the only way to the Father. He is the ONLY way to Heaven. He is THE WAY, THE TRUTH, AND THE LIFE.

I love him.

Jeremiah 29:13 & 14 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity

Jeremiah 33:3

‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’

I Corinthians 6:9-11

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.


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25 thoughts on “Christian testimony of a former homosexual

  1. I am glad you had found God and Jesus in your life. I was lost and was found too. I was going through drugs, partying, and sex with various men looking for a man to love me. When my dad remarried, I was abused by my step-mom. The father-daughter love was no longer there and I was seeking affection from any man that I have sex with. I felt incomplete then until I realize I didn’t have God in my life. I started going back to church, became baptized and confirmed and now I have God and Jesus in my life. With God, all thing is possible. God is the way and truth to all things in life. Amen.

  2. Hi there! Thanks so much for the comments! Deneen, today I am a very happy 32 year old! I work as a graphic artist, and I attend church regularly as well as play drums on 2 different worship teams. Life has never been better! Jesus has truly satisfied all of the longings in my heart! I am just living life and loving being free!

    Angie Lee, thanks for sharing! Isn’t God so awesome!? He just loves taking his broken messed up children and giving them new life! And to think….that he wants to KNOW US and have a PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP with us…it is just amazing to me! The message of the Bible is absolutely a message of LOVE and ACCEPTANCE. It is also a message of redemption and tells about a bunch of messed up people who ran into the God who loves to save! I am thankful to have you as a sister in Christ!

    May we ever continue to chase him all the way to eternity!

    A.J.

  3. Just in case anyone is interested… I rewrote my testimony a bit and it is now under the tab “My Personal Testimony” on my blog. You can get there by clicking on my name. Thanks!

  4. Hi

    thank you so much for your awesome testimony. i myself i am still struggling with this addiction and have been searching for an answer to a question i have asked for a while now (has anyone overcome this?). i thank you for the hope that your testimony has brought me and i know now that with christ anything is possible. i know that i will overcome this because if you can than so can i.

  5. Could you please email me? I have to ask you about how to be set free like in your testimony. Please e mail me at meen2603(at)gmail(.)com

  6. that was a very inspiring story how our gracious LORD has set you free from the bondage of sin. To be honest i’ve been strugling a sexual matter. I am striving so hard but my sexkual attraction with men was still there. I am a church but then i felt that I am not worthy to work in God’s Kingdom. i keep on looking for someone who can help me to change me. i keep on looking for the irgt word that will change but still all these seems useless because it didnt work out. Please help me to anyone please im in chains of sexual sin. my attraction with men always annihilate my relationship with God. Pleae do help me. God bless

  7. I am blessed to finally have that confirmation that God can actually heal someone from this “Spirit!” I have someone who i care for and love deeply and genuinely but is struggling with this:( At times he shows that he wants to change then other times for example, when he is dealing with side problems at home, he runs to it like he wants it. He calls it his “high” yet when we start to talk about the Lord he says he wishes he can get help from it because he knows its wrong but doesnt feel like there is anyone in this world that knows his pain. He belives( & i kind of agree with him) that u can only give good effective advice only if u have been through the same situation. I really really love and care for him but he is torn between the Lord and the World and doesnt know wat to do, I try to be of assisstance the best way I know how to be but in the end he is still struggling and confused! I AM DESPERATE! PLEASE HELP:(

  8. Hi friend, pl. pray for my friend who is gay but he is really a very very nice guy. I want him to be saved and come out of gay lifestyle.

  9. I am the mother of a gay son and I have learned through the Holy Spirirt of God my Father that all I can do is give it toGod and he will see it through. All I have to do for my son is love him! It’s that simple!

  10. Your testimony is very piercing, it’s a living proof that He can transform and change lives. i am coming out from a homosexual relationship as well. My parents got divorced when i was young and remarried and had families of their own, my grandmother raised me. Since i was child i craved for motherly affection and was attracted to girls but i was ashamed of admitting i had a problem towards that area of my life. i grew up as a very spoiled and rebellious teenager, fell in love with the first man i met and he broke my heart, i was invited to church by my best friend and accepted Christ as my Lord and savior, i was a baby christian but somehow i never addressed my problem of having the same sex attraction, i never dipped myself in it and was a lukewarm christian. i went abroad for work, and that’s where my life was shaken, i met a girl on a layover, i was attracted to her, we had a couple of drinks and she mentioned she was christian, she opened up to me but we were both drunk and we went to my room, one thing led to another, and the next morning i woke up next to her, i started throwing up cause i was disgusted; we exchanged numbers and she would not leave me alone, telling me that she loved me, and i somehow felt special, something inside me wanted to let her in- so i did, but that night i cried out to God cause i knew that what i got myself into was wrong. Somehow my love for her mastered me, the voice of God weakened as i shut off God completely while i was falling head over heels with this girl, she filled up my longing of wanting to be taken care of since i was abandoned and never really had a relationship with my mother and dad. She became my life, my world and my number one priority, we were together for a year, practically all we had was each other since we were both expats, we travelled together, but behind those happy moments were sleepless nights of restlessness, condemnation and guilt, i needed sleeping pills to make me sleep at night when she was not around, i would drink, sleep around with other men to confirm that wasn’t gay, we both cheated on each other, cause we were both confused but at the end of the day we would fall into each others arms. one day she broke up with me, telling me that she cannot live in this lifestyle anymore, she wanted to get back with God, i was asking her to stay and so she did, but as the relationship went on she started being abusive, telling me how irritating i was, how she thought i was stupid, how she did not love me anymore, how she was interested with another man, i was in pieces, she would tell that she was with this guy and that guy and hurt me. one day i could not stand the pain and asked for help cause during the time i was with her, God would send me random people who would minister to me and tell me how much He loved me. i went to church and repented, i stopped talking to her, deleted her from facebook, never responded to her texts and just ran away from her as far as i can. she knew it was over. first few months were tough, i would cry out to God every single day cause i missed her but i knew what i did was right, i loved her too much to allow her to be destructed by sin and i loved God too much to even hurt Him anymore, and i knew that i was in a better light and she wasn’t. it’s been ten months now since i have let go of her, i have been using all my time in church and allowing Him to heal me while her on the other hand is still in the world, i have been hearing stuff about her that she has been wild, rough and has been with different kinds of guys and has been drinking alcohol, and partying heavily, it breaks my heart cause she is also Christian. it has been the most peaceful yet heartbreaking, heart changing 10 months of my life, but now i am joyful, i can sleep at night and i have the lover of my Soul Jesus loving me day in and day out, what more can i ask for.

  11. Wow! Great testimony! And your joy for God transpires through the written message above! May He bless you abundently and use you as a great encouragement in many people’s lives!!

  12. Thank you so much for your story and testimony. I am a praying sister. I have been praying that the lord will give me strategies to pray for my brother to set him free. He is soooo deep into this lifestyle and its SOOOO easy to get discouraged and loose hope…Do you have any insight on specifics to pray for. An angle that I can take in prayer? I would love some insight from someone who has been freed! There is so much power and encouragement in your testimony! I cant imagine what it will take for him to turn. If God did it for you I know he will do it for my brother.

  13. i have begged and pleaded with God for 32 years to heal me but have NEVER found the freedom you speak of…………are you really TOTALLY healed?………your story made my heart jump and refresh my lost hope and long so much to get what you have (if true as I’ve heard testimonies in the past that turned out to be “enhanced” i still love the Lord with all my heart and trust He has His reasons for allowing me to be bound so long as “I’m the clay and God is the potter…….i just wanna be free

  14. looks like you all are striving for being straight while forgetting the GRACE…have you ever heard of such a word ..GRACE ? is what Jesus bought to you all, straight, gay and else meditate on this word, GRACE, this says all, all struggles must come to an end because you have been forgiven, so stop struggling, you are Cjristians not religious maniacs ! Despite of your beard, your tatoos, your straight or gay life,your selfishness- all things who condemn you, you got GRACE !

  15. Forgiven? Yes. Shall we continue in our sins so that grace may abound? Paul asked this question and answered “Certainly not.” (Or in KJV, God forbid.)

  16. Just want to encourage you to continue to share your testimony. There are so many people that live a homosexual lifestyle that need someone like you to help them. I had a gay nephew that was gay that died in a car wreck. I loved him so much, but since I had not experienced that kind of sinful lifestyle I could never get through to him. I also have a gay niece that I have such a burden for that will not listen to how God can help heal her of this. I have written her letters, but she refuses to listen. I’m very encouraged to see someone sharing their testimony to help others. If we are truly saved, we have a testimony! We are all born sinners, but the Lord allows different ones to help depending on their sins and experiences. My husband & I are missionaries to jails & prisons. My husband came from a rough background so the Lord is really using him in the jails & prisons. Thank you for your willingness to use your testimony to help others!! “And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, Who hath enabled me, for that he counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry.” I Timothy 1:12

  17. Your testimony is very similar to mines as well except im still trying to overcome the homosexuality part…..but i know that god will one day deliver me from it bc i feel him working through me. Continue to tell your testimony around the world bc you have truely inspire me. my email address is lewisdamion23@yahoo.com email sumtimes for i can tell you more about it.

  18. @ Janna, never give up on her; pray for her every day and put her in God’s hands. I grew up believing I was born lesbian. I finally came out at 20 years old after praying since I was in the 6th grade that God heal me. I figured since He didn’t He must have made me this way and off I went… Fast forward to 33 years old: I was caught in a crime and ended up being sentenced to federal prison. Within the first two weeks, I heard God reaching out to me. He came to ask me to get to know Him for who He is… I told Him I would although I already knew all about Him, and I told Him, “No promises and no commitments.” Long amazing love story short, I came to KNOW Him for myself; He told me, “This is between Me and you; nobody else.” I never realized ‘personal relationship’ with Christ meant just that… I loved what I had learned about Him and what I was told of Him, but I didn’t realize I never really KNEW Him… Having a personal relationship with Him changed my life; He changed my life. It is because of my LOVE for Him that I walked away from the things that were not of Him (including homosexuality) and began living for Him. “One day at a time…” It was choice after choice after choice, and I would tell Him, “I choose YOU. I can’t and don’t want to live without You now that I KNOW You.”

    That was a little over three years ago that I accepted Him as my Savior, asked Him to forgive me of all my sins, and gave my life to Him (and I truly understood for the first time what this all meant).

    God has let me know to share my testimony, and I am, and I will with a book coming out next year. What I do want to share with you (and anyone else reading) is that God IS a God of miracles. He was back then, and still is TODAY, and forever. Some of us have forgotten this. He told me, “You call it a miracle, but it’s what I do; it’s what I can do and want to do in others’ lives.” He’s called me to share my testimony with others, and it isn’t about ‘homosexuality’ only – it’s ANY thing in our lives that keep us from living the life God has for us. I was SO REAL with Him in the beginning because I felt I had nothing to lose, and a part of me actually felt “Getting to ‘know’ You won’t make a difference, so I have nothing to lose in being really real.” I was angry about things, I was hurt, I was… broken. And I let Him know it. What I have come to learn is God wants us to be REAL, and He truly desires we come to Him as we are. I had always felt that as long as I had these ‘gay thoughts and feelings’ He never really loved me, and I couldn’t really live for Him. What I realize NOW is that until I came to Him AS I WAS and accepted His love for me that He couldn’t transform my life and make me be who He intended me to be… I was so ashamed, I couldn’t ever accept His love for me.

    He is full of grace and mercy… so gentle, yet so powerful.

    I hope anyone reading this who has struggled with ANY sin finds hope and realizes God is calling you to come as you are – good, bad, and ugly.

    @AJ, THANK YOU for sharing your testimony. “Our testimony is His counsel.” So awesome! :)

    Living in His Amazing Grace,
    Jeanette

  19. hello Aj, I can relate to your story. I am also gay and when I met Christ I gave up everything to HIM. but after two years of professing Him as my Lord and Savior it was only then I have realized that I’m still living a life that is contradicting to the will of GOD. I secretly doing things that is not honorable to the LORD. Aj please help me, ghow can I cope to the situation I am in now…

  20. Hello, I read your testimony and I want to say that the way you defeated homosexuality was very epic. I was an addict of pornography and I went back to Jesus after saying “THAT’S IT, NO MORE!”. I still struggle against it as sometimes it happens that I see it again, now something similar to what you had is growing within me wanting to take over. But my faith is in Jesus so he can get that dark side off of me.

  21. I hear some of you are still struggle with homosexuality as per your comments. The best is to contact a deliverance ministry like Derek Prince who has a real ministry in rebuking demons and strongholds. You need to tackle the problem from the root but telling your story to a trusted ministry of God. I have myself met people who where completely delivered from homosexuality, these are heavy demons curse on your life , they will not go away just by accepting Christ, they are tormenting spirit. One of the person is actually a member of our church and was able even to meet his wife and his serving the Lord. His testimony said that his deliverance was progressive (took about 6 sessions) and deliverance happened by having chased out living demons from his body who left him after many many hours of struggle in his body…he was like a serpent, he was knocked out all over the place and yet he said he does not remember anything apart feeling light when he awoke and they had to show him the video of his deliverance …this is why you don’t joke with homosexuality issue, if yo want to be free, no other alternative than going to deliverance…Jesus said ” These demons cannot go unless you pray, fast” so this has to be handled by qualified pastors and evangelist who are honest, real servant of God. Some are charlatans so be careful when choosing a ministry of deliverance. Derek Prince is quite respected , contact him and he will direct you to the right people. Google his website.
    And also, those of you who had intercourse with homosexuals, even if you are heterosexual, you will need deliverance because the spirit has been in contact with your body, and Satan can have legitimate action on your life. Homosexuals people are to be loved in Christ, this message is not to judge but to bring the truth in light according to the word of God. Roman 1 is all about such sin, you can read it. Be blessed in Christ, the Messiah, the Deliverer our Lord we serve.

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