After wrting about the gay marriage ruling in California, I got a lot of feedback in the comments. Most statements were made by either conservative Christians that thought the decision was horrible, or by gay men that saluted California for doing the right thing. As expected, they wanted to know what my problem was, and what gave me the right to decide gay couples couldn’t be married. One commenter, however, was unusual.
What follows is the testimony of an individual who previously practiced the homosexual lifestyle before accepting Jesus Christ as savior. This is the story of one who gave up a life opposed to God’s law, and by God’s grace became a believer and a follower. Thank you A.J. for sharing.
Disclaimer: What you are about to read is a true story. I am a 100% down to earth guy, and I only share this story with you because it is who I am. Not only who I am now, but a glimpse into the past…to look for a moment at who I was before. Thank GOD that guy I used to be is now dead. He has been crucified. What a poor, wretched soul he was. This story might have some pretty graphic/adult oriented material. If you are too young to be reading this, then please DON’T. I fully intended this story to be read by ADULTS.
As I am sure you know by now, my name is A.J. I was born in Huntsville, Alabama on November 7, 1975. My father was Allen G. Nichols Sr., and my mother was Jenell C. Nichols. They divorced when I was 6 months old. Things just didn’t work out. My dad was upper class, a computer scientist for a big technology corporation, and my mother was a dental assistant. Somehow, of course, my father managed to run from his responsibility as a parent, and so my mom was left to raise me. Very typical scenario nowdays.
I never really felt like I knew my Dad. He was a really bad alcoholic, and remarried 2 times before his death. I always felt like there was something wrong with me, that if I was truly a good son, then why didn’t he want me? Typical feelings of rejection for a guy that grows up without a father.
So, I lived with my Mom, and my brother John, and my sister Jeannie growing up. Jean and John were older, (from my Mom’s first husband) and I was the “baby”. My Mom was always bar hopping, (an alcoholic as well) and usually ended up bringing home some really rough guys. She married again…to a very abusive and alcoholic man. I remember him beating me with a belt, with the buckle at the loose end of the belt. There were lots of bruises, and my grandmother took polaroid pictures of this, and came to the trailer we lived in threatening to have him put in jail. Him and my mom divorced shortly after. I was about 4 or 5 at the time all of this was happening.
Then something happened. My Mom started gong to church, and for the most part, gave up her life of bar hopping. She married the man she is married to to this day. He too was a professing Christian, used to be rock n’ roller/drug addict supposedly changed by Jesus. Now, I must first begin this part by saying that He and I get along now. There were a lot of thigs that happened that were both of our faults, and so much has changed. I believe that God has restored our relationship, and consider him to be a good father to me. Anyway…to describe what I saw and learned when I was growing up…the only term I can use is PSYCHO RELIGIOUS. He would beat me, and scream scriptures at me. I was “The Devil’s Child” and was going to “Split Hell Wide Open” This all started (the abuse) when I was about 7 years old. It continued all the way through high school. We even had someone call DHR, and report him for child abuse. They came to my school, and wanted to take me away from my Mom. Of course, at that age, I could not imagine life without my Mom, so I refused to leave. I was truly in Hell…it had already found me. Words cannot express the agony and pain that I lived in for some 12 years. It truly was a nightmare.
I began using drugs when I was 15. I also began drinking alcohol around that time. Even before that I had started being attracted to other guys sexually, as I was so desperate for male affirmation/affection. I was literally starving to be loved, and somehow was deceived into thinking that pleasing another man sexually would keep him around to give me the love I so desperately wanted. (I forgot to mention that I was also molested by someone when I was very young as well.)((That was probably the open door that led me into the deception)). I also had several experimental sexual encounters with other boys when I was a little boy. My first real sexual encounter with another guy was when I was 13 years old. At the time it seemed like exactly what I wanted. It was very pleasurable at the time. But then, when the time for school came Monday morning, the only thing I could think about was having to face him in front of all of our friends. It was so scary.
The drug use escalated full frenzy. For 13 years I was heavily abusing crack cocaine, crystal meth, XTC, LSD, Prescription Pills of all colors and varieties, GHB, Ketamine, Marijuana, Alcohol, and anything else I could get my hands on that would ease the pain. I also was in probably 25 or more homosexual relationships. I absolutely HATED Christianity. I believed that I was born Gay, and that I would ALWAYS be that way. People would talk to me about Jesus, and I would laugh in their face. I thought they were crazy!
Then, in 1999, I finally broke down. I went into rehab on my own choice. I truly wanted help. I was about to die, and I knew it. I had overdosed several times, and was extremely addicted to speed. I just wanted the rollercoaster to stop. The rehab I ended up at was a Christ centered rehab, and I found the love of God there. I began attending the Vineyard Church regularly. There were a lot of prophetic people there that gave me words directly from God. I knew that somehow, I had had a bad example of Christianity modeled before me. These people were NOTHING like my step-dad. They loved me unconditionally. I was clean for about 4 years.
Somehow, I fell. It started with the smallest things. I started taking pills again. Then I convinced myself that I would be ok to be involved in sexual sin. After all “God Understands” is what I kept telling myself. I got involved in what would end up being my last homosexual relationship. It lasted for 3 years. I was MISERABLE! I was doing cocaine and smoking crack like Bobby and Whitney (no joke lol). It was once again a nightmare. I loved the guy that I was with so much, and it took me that long, because I was still so afraid to trust God and let go. Finally I did. I left everything and moved back to Gadsden. It was my complete surrender.
Now, to the beautiful part of the story. I found the creator of the universe. No joke. I COMPLETELY SURRENDERED to Jesus. And guess what? He set me free! I was filled with the Holy Spirit (which felt better than ANY DRUG that I have ever done!!!) and I was delivered from somewhere in the ballpark of 50 demons. They screamed as they came out of me. And now, I am COMPLETELY drug/alcohol free, and I have COMPLETELY normal desires sexually. No more lust/masturbation/perversion/homosexuality. I am a FREE MAN! And even better yet…I have a PERSONAL INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP with the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. The Great I AM. Let me tell you…there ARE real people who follow Jesus. HE IS LOVE. HE IS REAL. HE IS ALIVE AND WILL SET YOU FREE FROM WHATEVER YOU NEED TO BE SET FREE FROM. He sees all, knows all, and hears all. There is NOBODY like him. I finally found what I was looking for.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. It is sad but true. I am not proud of who I used to be. But I AM proud of Jesus. He gets all of the glory and honor for who I am today. He loves taking broken, messed up people that have nothing to live for, and making them into new creations. I thank him every day for the joy and peace I have in Him. Also, the best part is that He is making me like Him. I am being transformed into His image. He has given me His authority to love people, and help lead them to Him. He is the only way to the Father. He is the ONLY way to Heaven. He is THE WAY, THE TRUTH, AND THE LIFE.
I love him.
Jeremiah 29:13 & 14 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity
‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’
I Corinthians 6:9-11
Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.